Anticipation

I'll admit I don't know what I'm doing.

But I also strongly protest to myself that the Lord knows what He's doing--and really, that's all that matters.

God stretched me for a long time. After the miracle of my $1300 donation, things seemed to grind to a halt. No more donations, no progress, no nothing.

Was I worried?

Well, yes and no.

No in that I knew God had a plan.

Yes in that I also knew that I needed the money...SOON.

In the past few weeks, the Lord has blessed. My stated goal of around $5000 is over halfway completed, my family is now in possession of my computer, which a church member donated to me (thank you and God bless you, Jodi), and I have a scary-looking paper lying on my desk, with a seal at the top and lots of places for me to fill out for my visa. God is making things happen.

For the last three weeks, I've been caught up in the throes of Young Disciple Youth Bible Camp and proofreading. But I've had the privilege of being reunited with Hannah and Sharon during that time. I didn't really realize how much I'd missed them til Hannah tried to sneak up on me when they first got here.

The only down side to their being here is that it's a signal.

It's making this crazy adventure more real all the time.

Especially when I consider that my fellow intern, Nathan Arthur, took off for college just yesterday... and I have only two or three weeks left here at YD.

It was scary to come here, I remember.

But it's going to be hard to leave.

Yet, I have to look at my purse on the floor--a Karen bag that Hannah brought back for me--and think of the Karen sarong/skirt in my room at home and smile.

I can only hope I'm ready.

I got an email this afternoon from Lena Adams. She and her husband were the founders of the school back when it began, and they're over there as permanent fixtures. First it was visa information, then a letter I'd need to send with my application... and then a request.

She had something for me to prayerfully consider. Something that blew me away. And scared me.

She asked me to consider a different living arrangement, other than living with the Stecks.

She asked if I would consider being a girl's dean. Living in the dorm with over 100 girls who all desperately need love, attention, and a Christ-like example. Immersing myself in a bunch of girls of all ages who I don't know, whose language I can't speak, and who have come (some of them) from horrific backgrounds that I can't identify with.

Really? Me?

How qualified am I to do that sort of thing?

That's a scary prospect. Terrifying, in fact. But if the Lord has called, how can I say no? How can I refuse an opportunity to come into direct contact with scores of precious young people--direct contact--and possibly have a lasting, eternal influence on their lives? How can I say no...?

And yet, how can I say yes?

God only knows.

I'd like your prayers as I pray myself about this step. I'm not sure if the Lord wants me to accept...and yet, I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that He's opening a door and asking me to walk through it.

It's coming. Sooner than I think...

I'm getting excited...getting scared...

But somehow, the distant shore of Thailand is looking closer and more inviting all the time.