Small

That's precisely how I felt yesterday. And, by extension, this morning, albeit for a different reason.

Small.

I'm pretty tall. About 5'10'': I've been taller than most of my friends ever since I could remember. I've been called "Daddylonglegs," "The Gentle Green Giant," and various other things denoting my height. I love and hate my height in turn. But the one thing it does for me, is that I hardly ever feel small. If I feel small, I'm standing next to someone or something who's REALLY tall.

But when we hiked down into that canyon yesterday and approached the massive tree in my pictures, I felt small. When I snuggled into the crevice in the banyan tree, and then looked up, I felt small. When I looked at the huge hill we had to climb to get out of this canyon, I felt small. When Hannah and I rode on the back of the station wagon, the wind whipping our hair and blowing in our faces; and I looked out across the huge valley we could see from the top of that mountain we were on; and I realized that I was in Thailand, not America: I felt small. As I looked at the beauty around me, listened to the sounds of the jungle, and really grasped that the God who made the mountain whose shadow I grew up in had created all of this as well: and then further realized that that same God not only called me here, but loves me enough to carry me through, I felt small.

Small. Me. Only an oxymoron if you aren't taking God into account.

I felt small this morning. The daunting task of presenting the worship talk loomed before me, besides beginning another week of school with my three grades of kids--over 60 of them. I shrank; I cried. I felt small.

I look back at teaching today. Sure, it wasn't perfect. But it wasn't painful, either. God got me through. I look back at worship. I was scared, alright; but again, God got me through. It wasn't so bad.

I told the kids a story in worship this morning. A story whose significance I didn't realize til just now. I'll retell it here.

A certain man managed to somehow capture a baby eagle, just hatched. An amazing prize, sure, but what do you do with a fluffy, downy, hungry eaglet? Well, put it in with the chickens, of course. The farmer did: and the little eagle grew up in a chicken coop instead of in a nest high up in a tree.

Every day, the eaglet would scratch in the dirt with the chickens, eat and drink with the chickens, and go to sleep at night with the chickens. The same thing, every day--and the little bird of prey thrived, and he grew. But once he was the size of all the other chickens, he didn't stop growing. The farmer didn't quite realize what had happened until one day, he really noticed that there was a full-grown eagle scratching in the dirt with his chickens.

The farmer decided that it was time for the eagle to learn how to fly. Picking him up, the farmer did the simplest thing he could think of: dropped him. But the eagle didn't fly. Indeed, the concept of "fly" was almost non-existent for him! He fell to the ground and went back to scratching with the chickens.

Over and over the farmer tried. Each time, the eagle fell to the ground and went back to scratching with the chickens. The farmer tried throwing the eagle above his head, thinking that surely the eagle would spread his wings before he came all the way back down. But no; the eagle simply fell harder, and went back to scratching with the chickens.

At last, the farmer took the eagle to a fence and set him on a post. The eagle blinked, looked around...and then looked up. Above him the blue sky beckoned, the clouds called, and the sunlight shone. Very slowly, the eagle spread his great wings: and then with a scream and a leap of faith, the eagle soared away from the fence post, up into the sky. Free...free...Free to fly, he rose higher and higher til he was lost from sight in the shining sunlight.

I felt small this morning, yesterday. Like a chicken.

But God created me to be an eagle

He's tried everything to get me to fly. And every time, I've fallen, felt hurt; and gone back to scratching in the dirt.

I want to fly....

I'm tired of being earth-bound. I want to fly.

But I'll only make it when I look up from this earth and see all that lies above. If I behold the heavenly, and then take the leap of faith, God will mount me up on wings as eagles. I'll be free to fly above the clouds, where the sun is ever shining.

"But I feel so small, Lord..."

That's a good thing, daughter. Only when you realize how impossible it is for you to fly alone will you be able to soar the highest. I am working, Child. Trust Me. Sense your insignificance in the grand scheme of things; but remember that nothing is too insignificant for Me to notice. In Heaven, I knew how to fly. I could've kept it all. But I gave all for you: I left all of Heaven and came to Earth...so that I could teach you how to fly.

Small.

Physically, I'm not very small.

Spiritually? ...well, I'm growing.

I'm a small person in the grand scheme of things.

But I'm not too small to fly...as long as the Lord gives me wings.

First stop! Got a take-out lunch to eat in the national park we went to. And wow--I have never seen anything packaged to go like that before. I ordered yellow curry...and wouldn't you know it, they put it in a plastic bag with a rubber band around the opening. Uniquely Asia...and strangely efficient.

Care for a tarp, anyone? Go ahead, dig through that pile til you find the one you like.

A shop selling offerings to be left in shrines or temples. Hence, the color of orange everywhere.

A Chinese blessing plaque, or something like that.

Never in all my life have I seen so many cows being transported in one day. And honestly, I couldn't believe how inhumane the transporting conditions were. Makes me long for heaven, where things won't bear the stamp of evil everywhere you turn...

Drive-by shot of a temple.

An Asiatic black bear. He was in a cage in the national park.

Headed for a picnic place.

The birthday girl!

She turned 21... Happy birthday Sharon!

Hannah, what are you doing?

Sorry! No other way to get this bullet-proof Asian packaging open!

Not sure what kind of flower this is...

A palm frond stem. Wouldn't want to land in a mess of those things.

Harvey and Brenda.

These trees were incredible!

This was the only monkey we saw...

Me. 

Banyan tree! Well, yes, and me too.

Threesome. :) Some Thai lady mistook us for siblings a little while after this.

The "big" tree.

It was huge. The tree... Wow. Bigger than the Redwoods I've seen.

All of us again.

Another one of Sharon.

Close-up of an interesting vine.

There were probably ten cows packed into the back of that truck. And it wasn't a big truck. They were literally stacked on top of each other.

Ah! Pine trees! Home!

Where we ate our lunch. 

It really was that funny. I promise.

A fig tree! With vines practically choking it. They make big trees in Thailand.

Palm fronds.

By a banyan tree.

Big tree. A different one. 

Jungle beauty.

LOL

The first glimpse of the big tree.

The VERY big tree.

The Stecks. 

Climbing the steps out of the canyon. I counted 528 steps--Hannah got to 514. Talk about a climb!

Last stop on the way home! An open market.