Safer than the Known

"I said to the man at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light that I may walk safely through the unknown.' He told me, 'Go out in the darkness and put your hand in the hand of God. It shall be better than the light, and safer than the known.' "

As David Asscherick says, words have rarely been truer.

Or more frightening.

If you think about it in all honesty, walking into the darkness isn't easy. There's scary things in the darkness. Things that move, chase, have voices. It is, after all, the darkness.

But if you think walking out into the darkness to take God's hand is scary, try walking into the darkness and then not taking hold of that hand.

I assure you, that is not just terrifying. That is the substance of terror itself. 

I speak not just from what my vivid and very active imagination can see... Unfortunately, I speak from experience.

I was called--chosen, sent, commissioned. Brought to a foreign land. And I've spent my time here so far trying to walk in the darkness without holding that hand. You've seen some of the struggles and triumphs. You've watched me almost give up, watched me endeavor to give thanks, learn to just wait... And for almost a couple of weeks now, I've been silent. Why? Well, to start things off, I got sick. Sick like you wouldn't believe--courtesy of some mosquito that bit me awhile back. I've been too exhausted, too blah to even think, let alone write. But as I came out on this side of the sickness--just some exhaustion dogging my heels--the darkness got deeper.

And I failed to grasp that hand.

I failed in more than one way.

I have to admit, I asked myself in despair, "What kind of missionary am I, anyway?"

Well, a learning one. And most tellingly, a human one. Isn't that a surprise?

Is the darkness behind me? Probably not.

Are the trials over? Absolutely not.

And why is that? If I'm in the mission field, and God is supposed to be working for me and in me and through me, why on earth am I having such a hard time? Why get sick, why get stung by a scorpion (while in bed and sick, no less), why have all of these incredibly dark moments that have stained the pages of my journal, stained my pillow with tears and torn my heart in pieces? If God is for me, WHY is so much against me?

Because I'm this close to freedom.

Freedom?

Yes. Freedom. I've been chained in a dark prison cell all my life. And all my life, God has been trying to get me out. While I was at Young Disciple, working as an intern, He began the serious work of unlocking my fetters. I was beginning to experience the freedom that comes from God's liberation. From no chains... And then I came to Thailand.

I remember once asking the Lord, "Why did you bring me over here if I was only going to be locked up even tighter and more than I was before? Why undo all the work You've done?"

Ever made an investment? That's all God's doing. He could see that this experience would likely be the final push to getting me out of my prison and crushing those stone walls to powder. He knows what good it can do me--If I'll learn. If I'll let Him work.

But even if I behaved perfectly... The devil isn't happy. He's angry, actually. He knows that he's on the verge of losing another inmate to his prison and he's fighting tooth and nail (and scorpion stinger) to keep me chained to that wall. He knows what kind of dynamite the Lord and I can be once I'm no longer chained, a prisoner. He actually trembles behind closed doors at the thought of me being an unchained force, standing against his kingdom with the Lord at my side. And so, he's fighting HARD to keep me chained.

Makes sense? Does to me.

So, why is it so hard for me? Why am I having such a rough time?

Because I'm almost there. I'm almost free.

God hasn't given up on me. I've failed Him countless times, and He hasn't stopped loving me. He hasn't let me go. And He won't.

By the same token, He hasn't given up on you either. In fact, He's been working on you, calling to your heart. Maybe He's been using my struggles. I know He's calling you now. With tears in His voice. Heaven wouldn't be the same without you, and looking at eternity with you missing, for Him, is like looking at the rest of life without someone He loves very very dearly. Like life would look if you'd just lost the person you love most on earth. Only He'd have to lose you forever. Don't make the almighty God stay in pain for all eternity, just because you aren't in Heaven. You'll be dead--you'll be gone. But He'll be acutely aware of your absence. And Heaven will, for God, never be what it could've been in enjoyment if you had accepted Him, His love, and ended up there with Him for all the eternal ages of time.

Interesting thought, isn't it?

For me too.

I don't want to stay chained in this world anymore than I want God to have to miss me forever.

So, the trials are not over.

But that's because the chains are near coming off.

The darkness--this wilderness--isn't over yet.

But that's okay. I have a hand to hold while I walk through it...

It is "better than the light, and safer than the known."