With Love from Lands Afar: Just Wait...

Four days ago, I set out down the concrete steps towards the chapel, a plastic folder in my hand, and a waterbottle in my Karen bag, slung over my shoulder. Where was I headed?

...CLASS. (Not to mention commencing one of the greatest lesson-learning episodes in my life.)

Never have I been so terrified. Limbs shaking, mind racing, and stomach wrenching, I stepped into that classroom full of 23 5th-graders, nodded at Thara Ehganyaw as he relinquished them to my care for forty minutes, and then I was standing in front of them. I was there. Now was the time.

I said good morning. In one roof-raising chorus, they answered, "Good morning Teacha."

No turning back.

But wait! I'm not a teacher! I can't do this! Wait!

God always has different ideas than I do. Almost without exception.

I'm not a teacher. But He is...and He's not only been teaching the kids through me for four days now, but He's been teaching me a few things too. While I've been teaching lessons to over 60 kids every day, God's been teaching me lots of lessons in trusting Him, what true love really is, how to depend on Him entirely...and one more thing.

Wait.

Yes, that's all. Just wait.

Wait....

I sat on my bed, behind my plastic-mat walls, and I cried. I'll admit it; I sobbed harder than I have in...well, maybe forever. Sean Nebblett sang "Promise" into my earbuds, but it brought little consolation. Shattered, scared, unsure, hurt, afraid, I cowered and sobbed in silence. After all, you can't have other people hearing you. They might ask if you're alright and you'd be compelled to tell the truth.

I wasn't okay. And that was the truth. But I didn't want anyone to know.

Messages from my mom and dad popped onto the screen as I poured my frustration into their ears (or eyes, since they read it, not heard it). "It'll be okay." "Trust the Lord, Heidi." "You'll be alright; just let Him work in you and you'll make it." "It's not as scary as it seems--give Him a chance to prove Himself through your pain and fear." For a time, nothing made any impression on me. I felt like God had brought me to the other side of the world and then forsaken me. Left me. Entirely. Alone.

Faithless? Absolutely.

Painful? Assuredly.

But defining in the end? ...Believe it or not, yes.

I'd read a book a couple of days before; David Asscherick's God in Pain. If you haven't read it, you need to. It's packed full of amazing thoughts and ideas and concepts that we all too easily lose sight of. I read it that afternoon, and one thought leaped off the page, grabbed my face as it were and screamed for my attention.

The children of Israel had been led to the Red Sea; to the desert. They were in hard places--trying, painful places. Hundreds of thousands of people in a desert? No water... little food... Trial? Very much so.

Red Sea in front, mountains to either side, and an angry army behind... Hundreds of thousands of fugitive slaves, fleeing from an evil king, and being led by a simple, stammering shepherd from Moab. Trial? Again, very much so.

But in each of those cases, God had led. God led them there. Not to break them, but to make them. He led them there because they were on their way to the Promised Land--to Canaan. Their path wasn't easy, but they would get there in time.... God's time, not their own.

And David Asscherick said, poignantly put, "Hurry up and wait."

I felt God asking me to wait. Just be patient. You'll get where I'm taking you in My time; after all, I know best.

True enough. I was impressed that God was speaking, and I vowed to wait.

And then, this crushing fear; this terrifyingly real pain. "God, what had happened?"

The only answer I heard came in a still, small voice. Wait.

"Lord, it hurts! I'm scared! What am I waiting for?"

Just be patient.... Wait a little longer, Child...the time will come in time...

A song was born out of that trial. "Path to Canaan," inspired by my own experience and by what I had read in God in Pain, was sung to me the other morning on Skype by my sister, who had just finished putting music to the words I'd penned. I almost cried. Not only did the combination of lyrics and melody touch my heart, but Michael Card's words in his song "Underneath the Door" became true... "Wounds are part of who we are, and there is nothing left to chance--and pain's the pen that writes the songs and they call us forth to dance."

It's true. I've been called forth to dance...and to wait.

So, wait I will.

What am I waiting for? God's timing. God's leading. God's guiding. For I am assured that He was leading yesterday and the day before that. Therefore, I can also be assured that He will be leading tomorrow. I know He's leading. So I can wait in perfect trust, knowing that whatever comes, He will be guiding my every step. If I want Him to. And I assure you, I want Him to. Life without Him would be like it was a few days ago: bleak, empty; a vast wilderness of barren land. And I'd have to traverse it alone.

God did the unthinkable. He took a cowering Heidi and through His grace made her a conquering hero. I'm back on my feet; not only that, but I'm stronger than I was before. More grounded in the Lord. Maybe that's the reason painful, trying things happen to us---so that we'll become stronger in the end.

Are the trials over? I assure you not. The devil's writhing in an agony of rage that none of us can imagine. He almost had me down. I almost gave up. I almost retreated back within myself and became once more what I was years ago. But that's the key word...almost. He wasn't the conqueror in the end: GOD was. God is. And He will be again. "Though the trials come, I know they're for the trying of my faith. And these trials lead to patience, and God's spirit says to me that I don't need to fight this battle, 'cuz I'm never alone." "He's always there, by His still and gentle presence I can feel His love surround me as I call upon His name. He said He'd always be there even to the end of the world... and that's the reason that our precious Savior came." "How can I fear? Jesus is near; He ever watches over me. Worries all cease, He gives me peace... How can I fear with Jesus?" Indeed. How can I? Let come what may! Through Christ, I cannot be defeated.

Just today in class, I ran out of things to teach. This has been a common occurrence during my teaching experience thus far, but today was really bad. I hadn't come up with enough things the night before and I was drawing a blank. Lord, what do I teach these kids? I have twenty minutes left of class and nothing more to say! What do I do? Give me an idea! I don't know what to do!

In a flash, He told me what to do. No, no thunder, no lightning; no loud voice. Not even a whisper. It was more like a hand guided mine to the left side of the chalkboard and began to make me write. As I wrote, it still didn't make sense. Um, Lord? They already know all these vocabulary words. What are You doing?

Wait. Be patient. Watch.

I did. And what the Lord came up with for those kids to do ended up being something that they enjoyed, understood(which is always a plus around here!), and also reinforced those vocabulary words even more. I used it for two class periods. I may use it again. It was a valuable idea.

But I had to ask for it. And I had to move forward, not understanding what I was being impressed to do. Step into the waters. Three years ago, three months ago--dare I say even three weeks ago?--I would've panicked: I would have faced those kids that can hardly understand me in the first place and just stared at them. But because of the fiery furnace I've been put through in the last week, I've begun learning how to trust...how to lean on God alone...how to wait....

I haven't been the most patient individual. But God is finally breaking through to me. I can wait. I can be patient. It really is okay to wait for something. And not only that, but I can trust Him with everything... all my fears, my pain, my hopes and dreams, the "desires of my heart"... And with every moment as well. I'm living day-to-day, moment-by-moment... Taking it one step at a time. In all seriousness, that's the only way to survive around here. If I were to look at six months of this, I would be overwhelmed instantly. But when I simply look at the next day, I can say, "Lord, just get me through tomorrow. Just work through me tomorrow." And He does. He gets me through each day, one at a time. Why didn't I ever learn that before? To just put one foot in front of the other. To just take things one day at a time. It makes life so much easier to bear. Learning to wait isn't such a bad thing, after all.

He's asked me to wait. To be patient. And really, He won't ask me to do anything that's not for my best good.

So I'm waiting. In some cases, I don't know how long I'll wait... but I know that I'll wait for as long as it takes. Oh, it doesn't mean that at times I won't get impatient for the end and cry out for termination of waiting. I am human. But by His grace, I can trust through the trial, love in spite of the load, and rejoice in the rain. Sing in the storm. Pray with power. Serve others, do good where I am, be a light where I can... Spend my waiting time well. It may be days, or months--it may be years, even... But the King has bid me to wait on Him...and until He says otherwise, I'm waiting.

Waiting takes an infinite amount of trust. It really does.

But God's waited for me. And if waiting takes trust, then God must trust me. He has every reason not to--I betray Him constantly. He trusts me... The Almighty Infinite God of the universes trusts Heidi Reinecke, even with all she's done to Him... There's only one logical conclusion to that.

...I can trust Him.

And I can wait. He's waited years for me to get it... Surely I can wait for His time, His guiding.

The path to Canaan isn't an easy one... But it will be worth it in the end.

Path to Canaan

Verse 1:

I waited years, too long it seemed,

to travel to the Promised Land.

And now the Lord had bid me walk;

"Your deliverance has come."

And so I ran ahead of God,

to make the journey shorter.

For God Himself had led me here;

I was doing as He'd bidden.

But then I didn't see the borders

of the Promised Land in view:

and I was halted in my tracks

by a whisper from the Lord.

"Slow your steps, my anxious child;

one foot at a time.

I've brought you on this journey;

but your plans are not Mine."

Chorus:

Wait a little longer, Child;

the time will come in time.

Your bliss will be more beautiful

if you let Me be your Guide.

Wait a little longer, everything will work out fine.

If you trust Me, wait in patience:

the time will come in time.

Verse 2:

And so the run became a walk,

I ceased to rush ahead.

But now the way grew weary, long;

it didn't go straight through.

It took us over hills and plains;

across the rolling sea.

At last I couldn't stand the silence;

"Lord, where are You taking me?"

Chorus:

Wait a little longer, Child;

The time will come in time.

Your bliss will be more beautiful

If you let Me be your Guide.

Wait a little longer, everything will work out fine;

If you trust Me, wait in patience:

The time will come in time.

Bridge:

When you're travelling to Canaan,

you're impatient for the end;

surrender, let God lead you,

for He has your best in mind.

Verse 3:

"My Child, we're bound for Canaan, true;

but you must learn patience first.

My plans for how to travel

will make you happy in the end.

You cannot run to Canaan;

but one foot at a time,

I promise that we'll reach it,

if you wait a little longer."

Chorus:

So I’ll wait a little longer, Lord;

Your time will come in time.

The bliss will be more beautiful,

The ending more sublime.

I’ll let You take control from here,

It all will work out fine.

I’ll wait on You in patience…

And Your time will come in time.

Saw this little guy outside the back door a few days ago. I was throwing seeds at him, and he actually chased one. Feisty little critter!

English teacher in foreign country under stress and needing food.

I have no particular love for spiders, but I don't mind taking pictures of them. This one lives on our porch--he's a pretty good size, but NOTHING like the monster one I saw up by one of our lights last week. *shudder*

Another of my "little friend."

The ever-present gecko.

Not sure what this is, but he was having some trouble flying underneath the house. He was a BIG bug--something about Thailand, I guess. They manufacture big bugs.

Shoes outside a classroom. It's a very different experience to have to leave my shoes outside the classroom and teach barefoot, let me tell you. Especially when there's a puddle of water on the floor in front of the chalkboard.